My friend, of whom I wrote in “Grief Can Bring Joy” DOES want to be identified. I made the assumption she would want to be invisible in my post. So I apologize, Helga, for not clarifying your desires before posting. I am very happy to reveal your identity and your son’s.
Helga Bender, as a result of her experiences and education, is now a professional grief coach located in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Besides meeting with clients in person, she also works with clients worldwide through Skype. Her website is www.helgabender.com. Her book, Welcome Words for Warriors, is available on her site as well as a free ebook giving a glimpse into her book.
The day she learned her son, Ben Farrant, had been killed while riding his bicycle, is the day she learned her husband had a new love. Overwhelming grief compounded! From my perspective, this was part of God’s plan for her life to give her the pain, grace, fortitude, and experience to assist others in their dark journey of grief. Her path led her to public speaking yielding an award for her abilities.
Many, many scriptures comfort the grief-stricken. Two which I cling to are —
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord. Psalm 40:1-3 (ESV)
At Ben’s funeral, the mourners sang Matt Redman’s song, “Blessed Be Your Name” with the chorus —
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
Those words were almost more than I could sing on that day, yet I heard Helga’s voice rising above the others. I was so astounded she could sing at all, let alone those words. At my parents’ and brother’s funerals, I could not sing. In fact, I could not sing for three months each time. But, when I lost my daughter, I, too, as Helga did, sang at the top of my lungs. God definitely put a new song of praise to Him into our mouths.