New furniture to house my scrapbooking supplies and equipment was delivered yesterday. While sorting and organizing, I came across a small cedar box containing papers which belonged to Karin, my deceased daughter. Among them were the traits of a Myers Briggs ENFJ describing her personal characteristics, a list called “My Prince Charming” comparing some boyfriends with qualities she hoped a husband would have, the above Mu Phi Epsilon (a professional music fraternity; she was a harpist) photo taken in 1993 at Furman University, a love letter from my father to my mother which I had given her, a childhood Valentine from her beloved Grandmother Herne, and a shocking discovery I do not remember having seen before: a handwritten letter to God! I assume it was written around January 1994.
“One of the first times I really felt your presence was at Circle C Ranch. I learned what it was like to have Christian friends who had such a strong faith in you that they lived a true Christian life. I felt your presence in 12th grade when Dede prayed with me over the phone. She told me to ask you to take the burden of my parents’ problems from me and to be able to forgive. I felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders as you took my burdens into your hands. I have felt your presence throughout college: throughout the changes I have been through. As I had my first boyfriend, and later as we parted. As I made decisions concerning my major. As I grew more and more self-confident and realized all that I am and can be because of what you have given me. As I spent the fall in France away from family and friends. You were still there to comfort me and watch over me. I stood in churches that were hundreds and hundreds of years old and realized how many people from so long ago worshiped you in the same place. My family gathered together on Dec. 26, 1993, and we all began to sing Xmas carols. When Grandma Walsh [who had Alzheimer’s] began to join in, I knew you were there with us. As my relationship with Chris has grown and strengthened, I know you are guiding us. I continue to seek your guidance in this relationship and in the formation of my future plans.”
The revelation of the letter astounded me, but the content confirms her deep devotion to God. Our parental pride was verified in the way she conducted her final 101 days from diagnosis to being with God. She chronicled her journey in a blog called Karin’s Updates where she expressed her fears, humanity, joys, raw honesty, and dependance upon God.
Have you ever actually written down a letter to God? That is an exercise which could bring peace, humility, or any number of emotional responses. Perhaps something to try. . .